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Hi, I'm Becky

This is my Story

 

I am a wife to Kevin, my high school sweetheart, a mother to 8 children, and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My relationship with the Lord, my husband and my children has always been my highest priority.

My husband and I were together for over 5 years before marrying. He was the nicest guy I had ever met. We’d been together about 3 years when I knew he was the one. It was around that time my enthusiasm for control began. I was away at college and Kevin was serving a mission for our church in Oklahoma.  I began to be critical of his missionary work. I thought I knew what his life as a missionary should look like. My head became filled with stories like, “He should be...”, and “Why isn’t he...”. I kept most of my opinions to myself, but it didn’t stop me from spinning out in my head over the way I thought he needed to be doing things.

We were married shortly after he returned from his mission and for the next 27 years I saw him as an extension of myself. I would get so frustrated when he didn’t do things the way I wanted him to. My way was the best and right way, and when he didn’t agree I took it personally.  Over time I came to realize I was judgmental and prideful and I worked and prayed for help for many years. It got to a point where I thought there was a problem with our marriage.  I remember after one of my quarterly rants, my husband looked at me completely puzzled when I told him we had marriage problems.  He thought everything was fine. I disagreed and went by myself to a couple of unsuccessful therapy sessions.

It wasn’t until my late 40’s when I first realized I was responsible for all my frustration. I joined my husband, who was Bishop of our congregation at the time, in an addiction recovery meeting. He had been counseling people with addiction, so we went to learn more about the program. 

The instructor explained the various addictions people came to receive help for. He talked about the obvious ones: drugs, alcohol, gaming, pornography, and food.  And then he added, “We also help people with the addiction to control.  People who have an obsessive need to control those around them and only feel okay when those people do what they want them to”.

As he said those words it was as if everyone in the room disappeared and he was talking directly to me. After the meeting I turned to Kevin and said, “Did you hear what he said about the control stuff?”. My Kevin--the main recipient of my enthusiasm for control and most recently my dedicating my life to controlling his diet following the heart attack he’d had a year earlier--just smiled.  

I walked out of that meeting with an awareness that put me on my own path to recovery. I learned there aren’t a lot of resources for Control Enthusiasts. I searched and prayed and worked to find information and tools to help me break free from this addiction so that I could feel better and improve my relationship with my husband.

The addiction to control can initially be triggered by traumatic events in our lives. An ongoing illness with chronic pain, almost losing our business and home, and the devastating experience of losing a son--all contributed to my need to take control. 

If you would like help letting go of control I'd love to teach you what I've learned and help you access the freedom and peace that comes when you let go.

Watch my FREE Mini-Course

 

Today I am an author, blogger, and educator.  I create online courses and programs to empower faith centered women like you, who are tired of feeling like it’s your job to control the actions and experiences of those around them.  

It took years for me to realize that truly loving someone means letting them have their own life experience, even if it means they suffer and make some mistakes. Letting go of control can be scary, but the effort is worth it! I provide tools to help you let go of the fear, frustration and pain coming from “that thing” you are trying so desperately to control. 

Holding onto the things outside our control is like holding onto a cactus.  I can help you Drop the Cactus and access the peace and freedom that comes when you give your loved ones back their agency.  Ironically, as we give them back their agency, we take back our own.  

Together, with Christ, you can turn your weakness into power and strengthen your relationship with yourself and the people who matter most.